Join ISP - Now Rated #1 by nobody. UGC recognised - it as a school for scoundrels

(The following work is a piece of fiction, and the said school is an imaginary establishment the writer has invented to get his point across. The sorry state of politics depicted, however, is something the writer stands by.)



It’s final. The politicians of the country have decided to set up a new school dedicated to the art of politics, and the finer nuances of the profession in the country. The school, to be made on an undisclosed budget (at least until somebody files an RTI application for the information), would cut across party lines and will be for students of age 25 and above. There are no eligibility requirements, although a history sheeter, or a surrendered dacoit are given preference over normal hard working citizens. High educational qualifications are a deterrent, as the old-timers feel that politics can be best taught to an empty mind. And sometimes that emptiness can extend well beyond the completion of the course.


Courses would include lectures on how to duck serious media questions, how to prevent sting operations, the process of stashing away money, and the general practice of fooling the public. The students who excel in their first years will then go on to learn much more serious topics, like creation of Swiss bank accounts, poaching opposition party M.L.As, and the coup de grace of the school – Masters in Social Scandals. The school will also provide its students an extremely high fat diet, so that by the time they pass out, they have that extremely credible look of looking seven months pregnant, that common denominator among our politicians.


Apart from this, they will also be given special personality development classes aimed at making them hardly working, that all-important trait of a politician. Also, they will be taught how to wear dhoti-kurta and other traditional attires. Small matters of political science and foreign affairs do not figure on the list, for obvious reasons. Paan chewing and bribe taking societies are expected to flourish, and it will be a tradition that will make anything from taking a shower to deciding of the dinner menu subject to the amount the single highest bidder is prepared to pay to the concerned authorities. It will be seen as a matter of pride for whoever manages it, and it will add to the brownie points a person can earn.